i thought i was regressing

A reflection on illness, vulnerability, and the body’s permission to rest.

There will not be a podcast accompanying this blog post just yet.
Truthfully, I am not feeling well enough to record one right now. It will come soon.

Over the last two weeks, my body has asked me to stop in ways I did not expect.

I was diagnosed with pneumonia, completed a course of antibiotics, felt slightly better, and then found myself completely exhausted and needing a new dose of antibiotics. I was not just tired. Deeply depleted. The kind of exhaustion where even small tasks feel overwhelming and the body asks for sleep in the middle of the day.

At first, I felt frustrated with myself.
Then confused.
Then honestly, a little defeated.

I found myself wondering if I had somehow gone backwards in my healing journey. After all these years of inner work, nervous system work, emotional healing, spiritual practice, and self awareness, why did I suddenly feel like my body was collapsing?

And then something shifted.

The more I sat with this, the more I spoke to mentors and teachers I trust, the more I began to realize something important:

Maybe this was not regression.
Maybe this was release.

There is something that can happen when the body finally experiences enough safety to let go. Sometimes we think healing should make us feel lighter immediately. More energized. More productive. More joyful.

But sometimes healing first looks like exhaustion.
Like vulnerability.
Like grief.
Like the body finally saying, “I cannot keep holding everything anymore.”

And that can feel terrifying.

Especially for those of us who have spent years surviving. Years pushing through. Years being strong. Years disconnecting from our own needs because life demanded it from us.

When the body finally stops fighting, it can feel like we are falling apart.

But maybe we are not falling apart.
Maybe we are finally softening enough to feel.

This experience has humbled me deeply.

Even after more than two decades of my own healing journey, this was difficult to accept. It was difficult to allow myself to rest without guilt. Difficult to step away from responsibilities. Difficult to allow my body to be vulnerable at a time when I felt I needed to be doing more.

And yet, maybe that is the lesson.

Maybe healing is not only about becoming stronger.
Maybe it is also about becoming safe enough to stop performing strength all the time.

Safe enough to rest.
Safe enough to receive support.
Safe enough to break down without shame.

I am sharing this because I know I am not the only one who has gone through this.

Sometimes when we begin healing emotionally, spiritually, or psychologically, the body begins speaking too. Not because we have failed, but because it no longer needs to hold everything so tightly.

And if you are in a season like this right now, where your body is asking you to slow down, where exhaustion feels heavy, where vulnerability feels uncomfortable, I hope you know this:

You are not weak for needing rest.
You are not failing because your body needs care.
And you are not going backwards simply because healing became visible.

So my question to you today is this:

Where are you in your healing journey?
And what would it look like to stop fighting your body for just a moment and listen to what it may be asking for?

If this resonates with you, feel free to reach out. Sometimes healing begins simply by being witnessed in it.

Jaspreet Soor